Safety Net

I woke up last night

and this morning I dreamed it again.

You were the only darkness

left in the day.

The only nitemare

I wanted to stay.

You were the sin

I hate

that feels so damn great.

And I ate it up.

Another helping please?

I held your hand

and bled my heart

and hoped it was worth saving.

But then it was only a dream,

so what does any of this mean

in the end?

What good does it do

to hold on to you

or your reality

if it isn't going to get through?

I closed my eyes again,

rolled back to the wall.

And then I felt his arms encircle me,

and I knew I was home.

Broken Dreams

The broken glass on the floor,

shattered, tattered, and torn.

My heart aches and breaks

and bleeds and tears.

And I try so hard

to release my fears.

I want to learn, to be heard,

to feel something real.

To know how this world

is supposed to be,

to see the dreams

you once had for me.

Am I really nothing more

than this wretched flesh

you tried to exile me from?

Is this how far my soul has come?

To know that in this darkness

I hold the keys,

I feel the release,

I am allowed to be me.

Closed Sand

I close my eyes and I feel your hand against mine.

And I wonder how it will end this time.

I hear your voice in words I cannot comprehend.

I feel your soul in a way I cannot understand.

I hear my heartbeat and it feels so strange,

foreign with this lack of pain.

I isolate your shadow leaning on the wall,

and I do not know how you could see me at all.

I wonder why we keep up this fight,

why we refuse, either of us, to just let it go.

I hold on tighter, my hands white with pain.

I watch the sand slipping away,

peeling at the life I've left behind.

And I want so badly to stay this time.

Lost Words

It's been so long, where do I begin?

Shall I continue on or forfeit to this pen?

Maybe lend a story from a neighboring affair?

Or perhaps simply silence, if you so politely dare.

My heart wants to speak and yet has no words to share.

My soul captive in silence, and my body does not care.

Droplets Of Wisdom

The clouds hide the sun, the raindrops falling hard.

Splashing into puddles on the solemn ground.

And I close my eyes to hear them, those droplets pouring down.

And I feel their piercing echoes as my sorrows start to drown.

Are you here to see me, in your looking glass?

Can you even hear me or did my tears fall too fast?

Is there still an echo somewhere from this past?

Or was our love truly never built to last?

I open my eyes slowly and try to look around.

The earth is somehow different, no more darkness left to drown.

Or maybe it just took over while you were away.

And God I lost my urge to look for you today.

My heart no longer knows which way it should turn.

But I know that from these mistakes I shall forever learn.

Borderline Holes

It feels like a fucking black hole decided to crop up again

and is devouring my soul.

The world gone awry, no place left to hide.

And here I am standing in that vast emptiness again.

I know you don't understand, he tells me I'm out of hand.

That maybe if I just step back and take a breath,

try so hard to chill out and relax.

And god, how I hate to hear your facts.

No, I don't agree with you.

No, I don't believe you.

I never do.

Why the hell you put up with me is a constant mystery,

and I can't even begin to pursue the thoughts that must be bugging you.

I know that you mean well,

try your best to only tell me how you feel,

what you mean this world to be.

And here I am, this is me, my darkest deepest mysteries.

I closed my eyes, swept in by the tide,

and trying still so hard to hide.

I hate this place, I hate my face,

the world I've created and who I've become.

You want to know why, what's there to hide,

and I've only just begun to bring you inside.

This hole that I've dug, the air from my lungs,

the dirt stinging within as I try to breathe,

and I sink further from this deed.

Your love was the seed you meant to save me,

and yet how can this be?

I don't want your saving.

Just bury the dead, gone with the earth,

to decay in pity and a lack of self worth.

There never was a time when I could show these things to you,

for you never wanted to see other than you do.

You say you know of my unhappiness,

and yet I no longer see any bliss coming from your eyes.

Maybe the skies took my lies and molded the storms over this dreamland.

Maybe I never was the one meant to understand

the pain you think you know so well.

In this shell, hidden well, I feel somehow

that there is something worth seeing.

And yet, I have yet to find anything worth saving.

Lost Thoughts Of Love

I lay here.

The dreams unfading.

The paths unchanging.

The reflections blur

of what we once were.

And I still lay here...

I close my eyes, I still my mind.

Those thoughts are not so hard to find.

I remember who you were, who I saw

and watched disappear.

And yet you're still here.

The light fades, the darkness into day,

and God I wish there was a way

to explain these feelings that I have.

So deep inside of me, I cried,

and I thought I'd walk away

if I ever got to this day.

But he said he loved me.

Your Dreams (not dated)

If I could be anything at all to you,

I'd only want to be the one to make all your dreams come true.

And if I could hold my head up high and wish for just one thing tonight,

it'd be to never lose sight of the dreams you made for me.

Chaotic Bliss

How are your dreams?

Are they dark and dreary like this day?

Could you push past the clouds

that are standing in your way?

Hell, who am I to say?

Look at my world.

Its various shades of tormenting grey,

torturing the dreams it's managed to escape.

I know no kinder way to view this chaos

than to state that which it is.

And yet this hell to anyone else,

it is the place in which I choose to live.

Heart's Purpose

Your smiles and laughter are all that I need.

The love within this little seed.

And somehow you remind me of me.

Please don't leave.

I never was one to stay out my welcome,

or to wear it as some so plain do.

I hid my heart in a bucket of emotion

and expected you to sift through the goo.

Why would you?

To what purpose is this heart,

if not so easily broken?

To what future should we dream,

if the past has not yet been spoken?

I close my eyes and try so hard

to remember what it was like.

And yet I know somehow that this dream is not mine.