Come Back Again

You close your eyes and beg me not to go there again.

Not to start it all over, this hatred I live in.

I bleed in the darkness, though you never see it.

I dream of a future, though you'll never be it.

I close my eyes and I pray, though you never hear the words I say.

My pain waits for you to slowly fade away

and I wonder why I came back here today.

Meaningful Scraps Of Solitude

This is a piece of paper,

a scrap and nothing more.

This is a piece of paper,

and yet, what good is it for?

This is a pen,

ink and little more.

This is a pen,

darkness at its core.

Yet when one meets the other,

together at the door,

they walk out hand in hand,

and doubt themselves never more.

Personal Exile

I ask you for paper and you have none -

fine, I'll use my skin.

I ask you for pen and you have none -

fine, I'll use my blood.

I ask you for words and you have none -

fine, I'll use my own.

I ask you for comfort and you have none -

fine, I'll use my soul.



Forming Shadows

The shadows that are this darkness,

they do not understand.

For how can they,

being nothing but the darkness that they are?

They close in on this land, nightmares in their hand,

and your dreams fade and retreat and reshape

to become a new shadow, lost within the mottled shades of grey

from which all understanding does eventually form.

Pale Dreams

Are you listening to this?

Do you hear my quiet voice,

protruding softly through the darkness?

The pale amber light she shines forth

is but a light fog within my mind.

I do not get to rest,

there is no retreat,
no peaceful slumber or exile

within this beauty that is your night.

And yet I call upon you,

for your name has been drawn,

your number now cast.

This is my dream now,

yours ending at last.

Anxious Dreams

Where do we go from here,

this path we're on coming to a close.

It's narrow now and I can hardly miss

all the little things that I never used to notice.

How do you expect me to keep up this charade,

to pretend I can not see these things which pain my soul?

It aches and it squirms,

shying back to its own personal retreat.

Evacuation not being an option.

That'd take too long to plan.

And here I am again.

I watch you from the distance,

waiting ever so peculiarly

for me to appear from the mists.

And yet I never do.

I close my eyes tighter,

hope to dream brighter,

and move on to a new pursuit,

a new frontier or wasteland.

I no longer need your anxiety

to tell me who I am.

Images In The Dark

I see you in the dark mists,

watching me ever so silently.

You think I don't notice the way the light

bends so perfectly along side your body,

as though the darkness wraps its blanket

at your whim.

And there you are,

tonight,

again.

Your breath so quiet and rhythmical

as though it's part of the perfection

that is this moment,

this universe within my mind.

Did you see me that time?

I left the door open,

let the darkness in.

I can hear your silent steps

getting closer,

I feel your breath upon my shoulders.

I release the knife -

you're right on time.

Death is so beautiful.

Rain's Freedom

Times like these make me miss you.

Our midnight walks, our philosophical talks,

the past I've somehow lost.

And I miss the dreams we shared,

the memories we made,

the wishes we'd trade.

God we seemed so close back then.

Where did those moments go?

Did we push them aside

or just watch them slide

and casually fade into the abyss?

I do not know.

I reach into the oblivion

my past somehow became,

and I cry for you.

It echoes forth your name.

And I feel your breath caress my skin,

your smile and laugh come once again.

My heart soaked from this blood rain,

I long to see you through this pain.

Here We Are

These dreams are just a daze, the past faded away.

These moments echo then erase, not even a trace

of those things we left behind.

The memories lose me, focus on new desires.

And yet, here we are, all the same.

I never wanted it to be this way,

the nightmares into which I have strayed.

I never thought I would venture this far

to become what I am.

And yet, here we are.

I close my eyes, I dream of you, the past we used to seek, in those days, so far behind me.

And I dream of how the nights would end, lying in your arms,

your skin pressed so softly against mine.

That casual glimpse, the moments we kissed, the dreams I will always miss.

And yet, here we are, once again.



Your eyes have changed, your voice so rough, the look of escape shallow beneath your veins.

The blood pulsates and I feel the echoes, and you slowly look back toward the floor.

And I see the same door we both walked through so long ago, so many years before.

And I wonder how we ever made those dreams within this shrouded room.

And yet, here we are.

And as he walks in, the walls grow dim,

the lights fade within the blackness of his blood.

And those lies pool on the floor

as he sees for once who I truly am.

And yet, here we are.

The bullets fly,

the scars no longer hide,

and I eagerly await

my turn to die.

For at last, here we are.

Daydream's Winter

So here's to the world

- without paper or pen -

I close my eyes and I start over again.

The dreams that chase me,

god they pull so hard.

And I can feel the aching

tearing apart my heart.

I never could see

the night through the day.

I never could dream

that maybe there was a better way.

These past memories

I've tried so hard to erase,

they pull and twist and turn,

and they seal my mortal fate.

I know it doesn't matter,

who's heart has bled,

or who's dreams are shattered

in these days ahead.

Screw your ideas

of what's right or wrong.

This is my fight,

and it was mine all along.

I never asked you to be here,

or to join this rampage.

I never expected this fear,

and the pain on this stage.

God do all our dreams

have to end like this?

Does the nightmare of morning

always have to exist?

Can the dreams of this darkness

just once refuse to fade,

and finally can our hatred

find a place to be laid?

We close our eyes in fear

of the future bled from the past.

And yet can you not see

that only those dreams were built to last?

Earthly Chaos

I met you the other day.

A fairy tale, you walked my way.

Seems these dreams, they do come true.

But then are the parts they never tell you.

They never say the clouds get grey.

The storms come in, it forgets to rain.

They never mention this forever pain,

the aching burning tangled up again.

The reins pull harder at my chains.

I can't breathe in and forget why I came.

The earth, it spins around,

and the chaos so profound,

I never feared that I would drown.

Yet here the waves crash into shore

And I gasp as in come more

and the storms fall out to sea.

The skies, they clear, just for me.

Or so you say.

From so far away,

I don't even know if that's the man he used to be

or if he even means me.

The dreams, they fade,

and god I hate the day

that the world forgot to save my place.

It just kept spinning out there in space

and I don't know where I am

or who you are

or if that's even my dream anymore.

Fairy Tale Dreams

You were my dream, so many years ago.

And you were the hopes which I could never sow.

You were the peace I never even hoped to find.

And you were the love that once seemed so divine.

I never dreamt of a place like this,

I never felt the love of a true kiss.

I never hoped to be more than I knew,

for who should be there to see it through?

The fairy tales create this realm -

they sell happiness and love that abounds.

And I always wondered how.

How much will people pay for a glimpse at a life content?

How much will they waste away with this future, already spent?

Shallow Memories

I closed my eyes last night

just in time to hear my phone ring again.

And somehow I knew it was him,

and I knew better even then.

Yet here I am.

I woke up on the wrong side of morning,

the alarm forgot to ring.

And my dreams held off,

I already had enough of a fight

without thinking of one more thing.

And god I didn't think things would end this way.

I didn't think the nightmares would ever take his place.

And those worlds he helped me create,

they got erased in the light,

for it was their right to seek something better than I had to offer.

And so I sneak out the door

and I wonder what for.

What's the use in pretending I have any where else to be?

Damn those dreams that made me believe

I could ever be more than this simple flesh.

More than a weak toy at my best.

More than the whore with this bed as her nest.

And you never even knew I had come to rest.

Feelings Of Inadequacy

God I don't know why I feel this way, or simply I do.

I know no other way to be.

Other than this which I am.

And I've gotten so used to this feeling,

the knowledge that I'm drowning in my own defeat,

that most days I try so hard to ignore it,

or hide from it,

or pretend that this isn't what I am.

And yet I know of nothing else to be.

I am nothing but this shell,

this empty vessel or portal,

waiting to be dismissed

into the vast void of nothingness.

And on these days

that I can not hide from these thoughts,

these days that my essence screams back in terror,

and I can no longer avoid my own intentions.

These are the days that scare the hell out of me.

These are the days that I want to crawl

back into the darkness

and wish everything else away,

return to the nothingness that I truly am.

I could cry but it does no good.

I could scream but no one would hear me.

I could try to push it back again,

but there is nothing to hold it in place,

to restrain these echoes and the knowledge of what I am.

This chaos does not confine me,

it makes me quiver in agony,

and my heart pulses faster and faster,

hoping to explode before I can react

or realize the pain that is my reality.

I know better than to ask what you think,

or how you feel,

for you have no understanding

of this chaos and agony

within my soul.

You don't understand the feeling

that nothing is ever what it should be,

that there is no way you can ever attain

the simplest of desires,

that the future will never be able

to equate evenly to the past,

much less come out ahead.

These desires I hold within me,

I know they are not right.

I know better than my own knowledge,

and yet, how could I continue to be so wrong?

This evil within me rips at my veins

and the sorrows I bleed retain no defeat.

These dreams of the future

pour sour stains upon my broken flesh,

the cuts becoming deeper in this deafening silence.

There has never been a better time than now

to realize that this world does not exist.

And yet, here I am,

lost within its chilling grip.

Sole Void

I closed my eyes last night

and I tried so hard

to let go of all the lies

you used to tell me.

I've tried so many times

to move past this thing that I am.

Yet, somehow, the darkness

pulls me in deep once again.

And I never know what to say,

or who to be.

I never know what lines to cross,

or how far I should go,

just to lose the real me.

Will you ever understand

these dreams I finally let go?

Will you be the last one

to tear so deep into my soul?

The cuts heal, the skin mends,

the heart will always bleed.

These scars you leave behind,

they cut so deep into me.

And yet, I know, deep within this shell,

your darkness will always exceed

the void of my living hell.

Retrospective Inquiries

Is this what it feels like,

when boredom sets in

and your mind becomes one endless

whirlpool of chaos?

Is this how the dream's

supposed to end,

just collide with the stars and crash

back to the sea?

Is is supposed to be

just one facade

after another, blending in to this nitemare

we dream over again?

Is there nothing more

waiting for me,

behind this darkness, the shadows blocking

the fate I never wished to see?

Is this all you can feel,

the screams of silence,

yearning to be heard above the whispers

of their insanity?

Was I ever anything

beyond your emptiness,

the dreams you let go and could never

hope to regain?

Was I ever enough

for you to proclaim

that maybe this dream could be the one

to take those feelings away?

Piercing Shadows

With these dreams, I wait for something stronger.

Something bigger, brighter, darker.

The shadows reach forward from the corner

pulling my essence toward their sorrowful pain.

They know no way to ease or comfort

those things for which they so readily ache.

And the chaos they bled from my womb,

the hatred that rests so deep,

the anger rises within me,

and the blood soaks up in the streets.

I no longer feel this pain,

no longer know this ache,

no longer try to control

the fate at the end of this stake.

My heart cries for the souls I've lost,

the salvation being too high of a cost,

and the only way to make this right,

I pierce my heart as my soul takes flight.